The Chemist Chick with Helen Nichols
True stories from behind the pharmacy counter
What do you get when a monkey and a hobo enter a pharmacy? You’ll find out in this episode…laughs are guaranteed as Helen continues her (true)...
The Chemist Check S01E14 AI Transcript
[00:00:00] Booth Announcer: [00:00:00] Welcome to the chemist check with Helen Nicholas. True stories from behind the pharmacy counter.
Helen: [00:00:07] Okay. Potties. It tells a here again. Um, look, the lovely Maria is still here cause the champagne bottle is an empty. So she's sitting in on a show I'm going to do for you. Okay. Um, I'm going to call this show a monkey business, Marie.
Okay. Today. I have a very fun story about hemisphere devious chemist cheeks can be when I worked on the Lancome counter in a pharmacy in North Queensland, I took great pride in this counter to the point of being obsessive. All right. I was so meticulous about every aspect of this beautiful counter.
Apart from being spotlessly claimed the stock was arranged perfectly, not a pretty bottle of box was out of place. I also asked the boss if I could get a fresh single red Rose every Monday morning to put on my account up, he said, sure, take it out of petty [00:01:00] cash. So every Monday I would place my one Rose in a tiny, slim silver VARs on my perfect counter.
As of course the single rise being the emblem and, uh, me immaculate, beautiful gray suit and not a strand of hair out of place. Perfectly presented everything. Oh, thank you, darling. Thanks. Yeah, the girls used to make fun of me about how analog was about these counter. Oh hell, sorry. There's a bit of fluff on the glass.
Oh, look, there's a fingerprint on your vans. So you can imagine my shock and horror. When I walked into the shop on the day of my 40th birthday to find shit all over my candor, I mean, shaving cream, confetti lollies, streamers, graceful, there was rubbish. And when you long common jacket had been flung over the rafters above the counter now to add insult to injury, they placed one very dead decaying Rose in my bars.
[00:02:00] With a note water, may you beat you murderer? Believe it or not. I found this all very funny as I loved all these girls and it was payback for all the times. I played jokes on them. I couldn't believe how my boss was in on it. And he was the worst of it. Justin, one of the girls bought out a beautiful big cake with candles, fresh roses cream.
It was just stunning. Um, and the girls go, okay, there's one more birthday surprise. I'm like, Oh God fuck helped me. Now, Justin, a huge gorilla comes running through the store, jumping up on chairs and Brittany's chest like King Kong. He was creating heavy. It was hysterical. All the customers were clapping and cheering.
It was chaos. He started to chase me around the shop and when he caught me, he picked me up like a ragdoll, threw me ivory shoulder and ran out the shop and down the street with me to say, I will never forget. My 40th birthday is an understatement. It was one [00:03:00] of the best days ever when I returned all the girls were busy cleaning the cat, or my boss was up a ladder to retrieve my jacket.
And we all tried to return to work normally, but it was impossible. We were all laughing all day about it. I wonder if I still do the gorilla grants today? You know what, Mr. Phil
that's coming up. Hold on. I had to do, yeah. Um, on this other occasion, uh, in the store, they got me a derelict. Gren KIBO. He came in and slobbered all over me and staggering all over the declaring. His love for me and his raggy, isle hat is torn clothes and he's missing front teeth. He had a big red nose.
This felt hat was pulled down so tight over his eyebrows. It was just hilarious. He was so funny, but it was disgusting at the same time. I didn't know for cry. We kept trying to purely move me again. The customer's locked at that clapping and cheering. Well, that was 24 years ago. All right. God, these chemists, ah, yeah, I had [00:04:00] these like you, um, these cheeks always went out of their way to make your birthday special.
Once when I was leaving a pharmacy in Brisbane, the girls from your huge going away party. Um, they all knew how much I loved balloons. I do love balloons. One day I wrote talking about if we had wishes or what our fantasy would be LA um, like something silly. And I said, I would wish for, if I had a choice, a room full of balloons that I could just, that would be the best childhood or childish joy, you know?
And they're like, Oh yeah. Okay. So. Anyhow, I get to the party, uh, walk in this room and from the ceiling to the floor, there was hundreds and hundreds of balloons. And you had your push. We all had to push our wire through them and they're all popping in that to get to the party at the back. Uh, yeah, it was the best going away party I've ever had.
Um, water night, these girls went to so much trouble for me. [00:05:00] I was really loved and really sad to leave them, but I'm still friends with a lot of them today. Great memories of my tribe.
Booth Announcer: [00:05:06] You're listening to the canvas chick with Helen nickels, true stories from behind the pharmacy counter.
Helen: [00:05:13] But what about your, tell me about your hobo.
Maree: [00:05:16] Well high bag. Oh, well, one day, um, Oh, it was Christmas and the store was full. It was really busy. Um, the boss's wife was there and she actually said to me about her past to now, Marie, do you want to go to the toilet? And I said, No, no, I don't want to get the Torah. I was look, that was a funny thing to ask.
Anyway, that's three a clock. I hear this voice saying, yeah, we're ready, Marie. I was waiting for different Boston. They say, it's not like, Oh, I thought it was the boy. I thought, Oh, he's going to get into trouble. It doesn't even have the bosses either die Murray. I'm going to look it up. He's coming this fellow and he's got an overcoat and all daggy hat and he says, They must've pointed me out.
And he goes, Oh, being down in the park was a practice near, near the park. White boys are three dies [00:06:00] and you haven't come. So I didn't come up and thought that means they're going to find you. I'm going to spew the manager, come running along with it with a video camera. And he was right there and I was on the phone.
What was right up to them. I know you took me through all these terrible things. You shouldn't be wearing those shoes in the shop. You know that we'll read books, read books to them. Oh my God. Oh, he went through terrible, terrible things with me, but all I could think was, am I going to find or spew before he's finished?
And he chased me around the shop at the end. Like you remember Benny you'll use to
and get away. You want to kiss me
Helen: [00:06:43] God, but how much
Maree: [00:06:47] I lost
Helen: [00:06:47] the video montage shine. Oh, damn photos. I'll show you later. I've got so many photos. I'm got to make this out of a book. Gotta make the chemistry. It's gotta be a book that goes with it. So [00:07:00] photos, Cracker photos. But, um, do you want to do one more before we go? Do you want to do them?
When are you feeling a bit tired? Maybe next time we'll do one more.
Maree: [00:07:08] One Morgan thing. We don't want
Helen: [00:07:10] Lynn
Maree: [00:07:12] one day with the same boss who used to say to me, like I said to him, I've lost at least one. I've lost two kilos. Nigga's daddy can turn around.
in this Patrick on him, which we did lots of times. So she got behind my counter and she crashed down and I went out to the dispension. I said, Oh, you've got to come and have real global is not, not, well, she's behind my counter. She's really upset. She's crying. And he goes, what happened to her? I said, well, I don't know if she wants to.
Good to see you. She wants to talk to you. It goes, Oh, Oh guy. Than, or I'm coming. So he comes over and she's, she's, she's bending down and she's, she's got a hand up to her head and he goes, what's wrong? And she says some, she goes, my mother-in-law. Oh, said Paramis. We [00:08:00] just
Helen: [00:08:00] laughed at hands off at that. Oh God, you know, it's just come to my mind.
I just remember the night we were out at a work dinner and that lovely young pharmacist and your hands were really sore that day. You had, you were having trouble with your hands or some arthritis or something, but they were really particularly, Oh, you're not 102. You bet, 14 mentally. Um, but, um, and um, you had that beautiful blouse on and you go home and that lovely young, gorgeous looking pharmacist and watch this, watch this help, tell them what it
Maree: [00:08:38] is.
And I said to him, Oh, So his name was rod. I said, Oh, look my buttons, come on down, up here. I was only like, it was only a little bit. And I said, can you do that for me? Guess what do button up? And I said, gee, I can't get it done up. Me and my hands are too sore. Can you do it for me? Because, Oh, okay. So he gets hold of it and he he's done it up.
And I said to him, You didn't look down my blessing. Did [00:09:00] you all, you
Helen: [00:09:03] daddy started on doing the buttons
you gotta be careful. All right. Parties from Maria and me it's by, by hand up, you got to come back. We've got to do this again. Have a great day, everybody. Bye.
All right. That's it we've crossed. That's a big show. What about this one too? Oh, wait a minute.
Booth Announcer: [00:09:31] The Chemist Chick with Helen Nichols, true stories from behind the pharmacy counter. You can subscribe to the podcast at Apple podcasts, Spotify, Google podcasts, and wherever you hear great podcasts. This has been another quality podcast from bitesz.com.